meg / מעין

just a queer mom makin' dad jokes

meowgon:

kinginthewest:

it’s just like, why are there cat emojis for loads of emotions as well as normal humans emojis

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like, when do i need to express these emotions… but as a cat

they’re not for you… they’re for ME

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(via muggle1)

Daughter, you are my dream come true. You are a seven foot tall praying mantis smoking a mahogany pipe and wearing a detective hat. You chased me into a dark alley and tried to eat me, but at the moment your fearsome jaws opened, you turned into a thousand monarch butterflies and floated away on the wind. Sometimes I wish you’d be more like the other girls.

Daughter, you are my dream come true. You are a seven foot tall praying mantis smoking a mahogany pipe and wearing a detective hat. You chased me into a dark alley and tried to eat me, but at the moment your fearsome jaws opened, you turned into a thousand monarch butterflies and floated away on the wind. Sometimes I wish you’d be more like the other girls.

"More than friends: The incredibly true story of how ol’ bacon hair and lasagna noodle head found love in the shawl factory"

"More than friends: The incredibly true story of how ol’ bacon hair and lasagna noodle head found love in the shawl factory"

rumze:

spinesaw:

blameaspartame:

Penis Homes

Vagina domiciles.

Wow - on a scale of one to douche that’s the level of scrambling to come up with a new scale

And the housing market is looking pretty bleak for this dude right about now.

(via pageslikepetals)

Went to Target to buy a bath mat because my daughter has outgrown the infant tub. The “girl” option was literally just repeating lines of pink and orange hearts. The “boy” option? SWEET ASS SKELETON PIRATES ABOUT TO BATTLE AN OCTOPUS FOR TREASURE

Guess who got the boy mat.

Went to Target to buy a bath mat because my daughter has outgrown the infant tub. The “girl” option was literally just repeating lines of pink and orange hearts. The “boy” option? SWEET ASS SKELETON PIRATES ABOUT TO BATTLE AN OCTOPUS FOR TREASURE

Guess who got the boy mat.

gorlt:

and, if you can’t get toasted pearl Couscous handpicked and blessed by a Moroccan shaman on the first tuesday of the winter harvest for your Sautéed Escarole then store bought is fine

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(via textpostsrus)

worshiptheband:

wow im just going to leave this here

#awkward

worshiptheband:

wow im just going to leave this here

#awkward

(via maura-is-sunshine)

mittiepaul:

The way some people freak out about pumpkin spice stuff coming back you’d think it’s a rare drug from a desert planet or something…

HE WHO CONTROLS THE PUMPKIN SPICE CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE

(via collababortion)